International family negotiation: negotiating across two countries, two cultures and two legal systems (2024-2025)

On November 29, 2024 in Tunis, and again on June 17, 2025 at a training session built around a Paris–Abidjan case, I presented negotiation as applied to cross-border family disputes. Both talks follow the same outline: why negotiate, how to account for the multicultural dimension of the conflict, and how to reach an agreement recognized in each country. Here are the key takeaways, with selected excerpts from the training materials.

Why negotiation becomes essential in international cases

A cross-border family dispute pits two countries, two cultures, two languages, two visions of every aspect of family life and two traditions against each other. The court response is often inadequate: proceedings multiply, resources are lacking, and decisions create new difficulties. Above all, each decision may not be recognized in the other country.

Negotiation is therefore necessary when the relationship must be preserved because there are children, when the outcome of litigation is too uncertain, when proceedings would be too long or too costly for what is at stake, or when confidentiality matters. It allows for a comprehensive, tailor-made solution within a reasonable time.

It comes into play before a crisis, to plan ahead (international prenuptial agreements and parenting agreements), and during a crisis: divorces and separations, estates and international child abductions.

Address the relational conflict before negotiating rationally

The first step is to bring the conflict back down to its source: from a problem to a disagreement, then to misunderstanding, aggression, a breakdown in dialogue and violence, following Friedrich Glasl’s model. Next comes understanding each party’s frame of reference (beliefs, values, perceptions, context, culture, concerns), which is multiplied in international cases.

The tools are active listening, reformulation and nonviolent communication: observe the facts, express your feelings with “I” statements, state your need, make a negotiable request. Principled negotiation, adapted to family conflicts, adds two rules: emotion blocks reason, and you deal with the children, what unites, before money, what divides.

Prepare, put your client in a position of strength, conclude

Preparation covers the players (including influences from outside the couple), the terrain, the balance of power and the objectives: a maximum goal, a zone of compromise and a walk-away point. The pitfalls are well known: failing to set your limits (your BATNA, MESORE in French), mistaking the stated position for the real demand, letting emotions take over, trying to negotiate what cannot be negotiated.

Choosing the right amicable dispute resolution method requires care. The collaborative process (processus collaboratif) is difficult when there is a race to the courthouse; the French participatory procedure (procédure participative) is unlikely to be recognized abroad; international family mediation is a wise choice but must be properly framed; arbitration of property issues can be paired with mediation for the children. European law encourages this: Article 25 of the Brussels II ter Regulation requires the court to invite the parties to consider mediation as early as possible.

Finally, concluding means locking in the agreed points, committing the parties to formalize them legally, and making sure the agreement will be recognized internationally.

The Paris–Abidjan case: preparing an agreement in principle

In 2025, participants worked on a situation invented for the purpose. Alain and Claire, a French couple married in Paris under a separation-of-property regime, live in Abidjan with their three French-Ivorian children. Alain wants a divorce; Claire wants to move back to Paris with the children; Alain had wanted shared residence in Abidjan but could agree to the move under certain conditions. Each group had to identify its leverage, its BATNA, the order in which to address the disagreements, both spouses’ needs, possible concessions and negotiable requests, with one goal: a fair agreement in principle that avoids international child abduction proceedings.

Sessions

• November 29, 2024Faculté des sciences juridiques, politiques et sociales de Tunis (Tunis law school): “Negotiation in international family relationships,” alongside, among others, Lotfi El Ajeri.
• June 17, 2025Centre de formation professionnelle à la médiation, à l’arbitrage et à la négociation: “International family negotiation,” with the Paris–Abidjan case study.

Key takeaways

1. 1Two countries, two cultures, two legal systemsCross-border family disputes pile up differences; negotiation must account for them from the preparation stage.
2. 2Relationship before reasoningDe-escalate, listen, reformulate: as long as emotion dominates, no solution will hold.
3. 3Children before moneyStarting with what unites the parents makes it possible to then address what divides them.
4. 4Choose the right amicable methodNot every method works internationally: the race to the courthouse and recognition of the agreement guide the choice.
5. 5An agreement recognized everywhereA negotiation only succeeds if the agreement can be recognized and enforced in each country involved.

Training excerpts

General information. This account of a talk reflects only my personal opinion and is not legal advice. The cases mentioned are fictional, or inspired by real cases, modified and anonymized.